In writing, I forget. [part 1]

This is for the one who got away... for the one who could've been the one, but never was.

He went by a lot of names on my phonebook. It used to be his first name + last name and then we started going out. He became "...", "zzz" and for the longest time, "j."

Yes, just j. In small letters.

I met him in April of 2006. He was my trainer and I was his trainee.

We didn't have any close personal encounter during training... He went to some of our wave's countless inuman sessions after work. But that was all.

He listened to some of my calls during A-Bay, but we never had any written coachings - he always told me to take it as a "coaching opportunity."

That was all. I went AWOL after a few months and then he sent me a message asking if I was okay and wondering why I went missing.

I went back to school and my TM couldn't give me a nice schedule as he promised.

We went out a few days after that first non-work related text.

I didn't know that was the first of many which spanned 6 years.

Wow, more than half a decade. And we weren't even together.

We were never together... although we could've been, I always rejected him.

When we started out, I told him I didn't want commitment, no attachments, no complications.

Of course, that never came to be, because I fell for him. I guess he did for me, too.

Why am I suddenly writing about him?

Because I have to. Everytime I got so frustrated about our situation, I write about it - on my planner, in paper, even on the web. My Livejournal and Multiply posts circa 2006-2008 were mostly about him. They were mostly angst-ridden and unfair to him.

This time, for the last time, will be about the good stuff. I am no longer the angsty 20-something years ago. But even so, I have to write about him.

I am writing to finally let go.

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

[Image from Google]

Happy 2013!

Hi loves!

I know, I’ve been MIA on the blogging world for a loooong time.

I’ve had a lot on my shoulders for the most part of 2012 and didn’t have enough time to write.

Anyway… as quoted from my Facebook – 

2012 was a rough year, but I’m claiming that 2013 will be bigger, greater and brighter.

Cheers to the new year! :)

Photo grabbed from Google

cupcake project | 16: s’mores cupcake.

For a long time now, I have been on a mission to find the “best” marshmallow frosting. I have never been successful, all of the recipes I tried, while good, end up in a gooey mess once it’s piped/plopped on top of a cupcake. I don’t know if it’s the weather or if it’s just me. Haha.

By “best” I mean a marshmallow frosting that doesn’t melt into a gooey mess in hot/humid weather. I want a frosting that’s stable and sets up well. Any recommendations?

Anyhoo, in the two years that I’ve been baking, I have learned to embrace mistakes and failures. I know one day I’ll be able to nail that elusive marshmallow frosting. One day, you’ll see. :)

Because I am scared to try another marshmallow frosting recipe, I have put off testing a recipe I’ve bookmarked for uhm, more than a year now. S’mores cupcakes. I have tried another recipe from Heather Cristo and it was a huge success. I just thought of giving this recipe a spin, originally from Yummy.ph’s mini cookbook series, Bake, Give, Sell!

S’mores Cupcake
Adapted from Yummy.ph | Bake, Give Sell!

1 cup all-purpose flour
¾ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
¾ cup warm water
¼ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
½ cup white sugar
½ cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
½ cup mini marshmallows
milk chocolate shavings, for garnish
6 pcs graham cracker squares, halved, for garnish

Marshmallow Frosting

1 egg white
½ cup sugar
3 tbsp water
½ tbsp light corn syrup
¼ tsp cream of tartar
dash of salt
½ cup mini marshmallows
½ tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a muffin pan with cupcake liners.

In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda and salt. Set aside.

In a measuring cup, stir together cocoa powder and warm water.

In a mixer bowl, cream butter with white and brown sugars until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla and beat until smooth. Lower mixer speed then add flour mixture alternating with the cocoa mixture. Beat on low speed until just combined. Increase speed to medium-high and mix for about 30 seconds.

Fold in chocolate chips and mini marshmallows.

Divide batter among muffin wells, filling up to 3/4 full. Bake for 18-20 minutes or until tester comes out clean. Cool in pan for 5 minutes before transferring to wire rack to cool some more.

Make the frosting:

In a large heatproof bowl, combine egg white, sugar, corn syrup, water, cream of tartar and salt. Set bowl over a pan of simmering water and whisk until sugar is dissolved and the temperature reaches 160F. Remove from heat.

Whip using an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Add mini marshmallows and vanilla. Beat until the mallows are melted and frosting is smooth.

Top cupcakes with a dollop of marshmallow frosting. Garnish with chocolate shavings and graham crackers when ready to serve to prevent graham from getting soft and sloppy.