The Saddest Goodbye [part 3]

[... a continuation.]

I never knew he was sick. He lived an active lifestyle, both in a good and bad way.

He played a few sports but also drank alcohol and smoked excessively. He quit smoking sometime in 2011, I think.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, we rarely talked after our "non-relationship." But last year, 2012, we did communicate more than we did in the past 2 years.

In the recent months, he would send me a text message out of the blue just to ask how I was doing. If I was feeling frustrated with work, I also bug him just to get distracted.

In October, we communicated more than usual. He wanted to see me to catch up. It never happened, I was either busy with work or I already had previous plans. When I'm free, he was the one who had other commitments.

Then we finally found a date we agreed on - November 4 but we were also planning to meet on October 28.

That never came to be... On Saturday, October 27th, he told me had to run some errands for his Dad. I didn't mind, I was already used to that. We always had issues with "planned dates" when we were still going out.

That Sunday, I sent him a message telling him that "Some things never changed." I never got a reply, and I didn't bother.

On Monday morning, as I was going through my morning chores, he sent me a message saying sorry for flaking out on me. He said he was in the hospital. I got a little worried and asked if he was okay. I never got any reply.

As it turned out, that was his last message. I never found out why he was in the hospital because as fate would have it, the other messages I sent to him that day never got sent.

That week, I found myself restless and bothered. I didn't really know why, but on October 31, I felt the need to send him an email, which turned out to be my farewell letter to him. I didn't know then, but maybe it was the universe's way of telling me to say goodbye before it's too late. I don't know if he ever got to read it, but I'll include it in this series, for posterity's sake.

On the morning of November 3, in between watching re-runs of The Voice and checking FB/Twitter posts, a FB status message stood out. A friend posted "RIP, [first name + "nickname" + last name]..."

I was beyond shocked when I read that... I couldn't believe it, how can that be happening? We were just texting a week before.

I checked his FB wall and it was flooded with posts of condolences.
I never knew what happened. I neither went to his wake nor the funeral. All I know was that he was in the Philippine Heart Center, confined in the ICU for a couple of days. They said he died of internal bleeding and cardiac arrest.

Until today, I still can’t come to grips with what happened. For the most part of November and December, I felt as if my heart was broken every single day. It's worse than a break up.

I never got to say goodbye, say my thank you's and make peace with him.

This is why I am writing about him again... to finally say goodbye and close this chapter of my life.

From Google.

The only truly painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.

True that.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Barbie,
    I hope you continue blogging! Will check all your recipes. Thanks!