verse for today.

If when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life 

[Romans 5:10]

something worth going back to.

I can't believe the year is almost over.

Does time really go that fast or am I just dreaming?

We're about to end the month and there's only a month left before we bid adieu to 2010 and say hello to 2011.


With that in mind, I can't believe I'm turning 25 in, hmm, 32 days.

The -ber months can really bring nostalgia.

These are the times when I really wish I were back in my old dorm in UP and just relive the good ol' days.

I don't know what UP has that just makes me nostalgic.

There's this certain magic that I can't explain, but it always makes me feel very comfortable.

It's like sleeping with my favorite blanket and pillow when I was still a kid. Or staying in bed while the rain spatters outside my window. Or eating my favorite cake when I'm feeling down.

It's something very familiar. And something so special I won't mind doing anything just to be there again.


today's prayer.

At the still point of my turning world, 
At the core of my being, 
I wait to hear and feel the gentle presence of God 
Who calls me to open and let go. 
Can I go to that place where God is calling me?

"...some are last who will be first, and some are first who will be last."
[Luke 13:30]

something new.

Ever since I started going back to the workforce, I have always brought packed and home-cooked lunch. I guess this is a part of my so-called culinary journey.

With that, I resolve to post a photo, hopefully daily, of whatever I have cooked for the day.

I shall start this new adventure next week.

Wish me luck. :)

gospel for today: something to think about.

At the still point of my turning world, At the core of my being, I wait to hear and feel the gentle presence of God Who calls me to open and let go. Can I go to that place where God is calling me?

"...some are last who will be first, and 
some are first who will be last."
[Luke 13:30]


my prayer - psalm 121

      I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the LORD, 
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 He will not let your foot slip— 
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

 indeed, he who watches over Israel 
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The LORD watches over you— 
 the sun will not harm you by day, 
       nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm— 
       he will watch over your life;

 the LORD will watch over your coming and going 
       both now and forevermore.


There are times when I just want to leave everything behind and go to a place where no one knows me.

Just like what Kafka did when he was fifteen.

But I can't.

How I wish it's an easy thing to undertake.

But it's not.

How I wish I have the strength and determination to do such a thing.

But I don't.

The most that I can do is shut myself out from the rest of the world even for just one day.

To be consumed with all the thoughts that are hammering through my mind.

To allow myself to feel the pain.

To just wallow for a moment.

Drop my guard and let the walls down.

I was about to that last weekend but some other thought stopped me.

I am scared.

Scared of what I can do to myself.

And afraid of what may come after.



Because I'm not so much in the mood today...

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.

And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...

Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.

You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.


manic monday. not.

I usually start the week with a bang - in a good way.

Today is an exception, though. While I was and still am in a good mood, the weather wasn't cooperating well.

I usually spend Sunday nights awake to keep up with my social networking and other online obligations, haha. Since I work at night, I sleep in the afternoon until (usually) well into the night to prepare my body clock for the work-week.

I do all my household chores - cleaning, laundry, culinary experiments, etc during Sunday morning and Sunday evening until Monday early morning. The past two weekends have been good to me, all my laundry has been dried up without leaving unwanted kulob smell.

But today was different. I spent Sunday night doing the things I usually do - laundry, culinary experiment, going online, watch tv.. I hoped that the sun would come out even though I knew that there was an impending super typhoon on the way. I still tried to hang my clothes in the (futile) attempt to dry them. I left my jeans and jackets soaking in the basin for later.

So yeah, it was a failed attempt. I have yet to find out if they dried out well without smelling bad. We'll see when I get home.

Okay, fine. I'm mababaw. Just cos the sun didn't come out and my laundry didn't dry out well, I feel bad na agad. Well, not really. It's just that I don't like it when my little world gets disrupted and the normal order of things is changed.

Hmm, is this a sign of being a control freak? Maybe so.

Same thing happens to me when I don't get the expected result of something I do.

Case in point:
I hate it when I plan to wear something and then I set out on preparing everything - iron, match accessories and shoes, etc. And then when I finally put them together or when I'm finally ready to go, I don't like what I'm seeing in the mirror. Or I suddenly feel that it doesn't fit my mood for the day.

Yeah, I'm weird like that.

So... I feel like throwing my Monday (that's Monday night to Tuesday morning for normal people) out the window just because the sun didn't come out.

(And oh, how I'd trade work for sleeping and cuddling cos of the bed weather. :p)


365 days.


We are seriously in dire need of a celebration. :)


525,600 minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we started. I can't even believe that we've made it this far.

I'm at a loss for words; I can't express how much joy and fear I'm feeling. Yes, I am overjoyed but I am also full of fear because I know what we have can be taken away from us anytime.

But for what it's worth, I am happy and I won't have it any other way. :)


one big dump.

I've been having serious bouts of depression lately.

I am beginning to think this is already some sort of psychological or mental disorder.

I told my Mom that I want to take the DSM-IV test to check if I really do have developmental or behavior disorder. She said my Aunt is the only one allowed to administer the test to prevent misdiagnosis.

Maybe it's just psychosomatic, but I still want to take the test so that I'd know what my problem is and how to manage it.

I have been struggling with depression for a long time now. I've become aware of this when I took Psychology 101 and Personality Psychology in college. When we briefly discussed the different personality disorders, I felt a tug in my heart. I just knew that I was going through one of those disorders.

I know that I can't just sit and wait to be "okay." I know that I should do something. And I also know that the only way I'd be okay is to go to a specialist and find out for myself.

Since my Aunt is a Developmental Pediatrician and she has access to the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it's better that she does the diagnosis before I go to someone else.

Hmm, okay. Let me give you specifics.

I sometimes think I have Bi-Polar or or Manic-Depressive Disorder.

Hmm, Wikipedia says that, "Bipolar disorder is a condition in which people experience abnormally elevated (manic or hypomanic) and, in many cases, abnormally depressed states for periods of time in a way that interferes with functioning." That is a BIG CHECK for me. No more explaining need, eh? Hahaha.

Anyway... On to different things.


After getting inhumanely and unjustly laid off for almost 5 months, I am just so glad that the worst is almost over.

I say almost because we our case against our previous company is still with National Labor Relations Commission and I don't think we are nearing a decision. I do hope that we win, though.

Ken and I have just hired a lawyer, and boy, he's not cheap!

So yeah, I really hope we win this case.

Transcom's lawyer/representative said that the company is willing to reinstate us. That's a nicer way of saying, "No, we don't want to pay." Of course, we don't want to go back. I don't think I can still work well after what they've done to us.

It's been almost six months, and if they were to follow the letter that they've served to us, we should be recalled to work with the same position and salary. Ken and I already have work and we both don't want to work there again. We're just after what we're due - which I think is reasonable. We're no longer even asking for moral damages. We're just asking for severance pay and backwages. If they can afford paying heaps of money undeserving managers, then I suppose paying us what's due us would be easy for them.

I am moving on, if only the case would be over soon!

So, I'm back to being a corporate slave again. I've been at it for almost 3 months and I still haven't adjusted well.

For one thing, I'm no longer holding a position. I really don't mind, it's nice being able to go home on time and not having to bring home work. But yeah, I'm still adjusting. I cannot just throw away what I've learned when I was still a trainer. It will always be with me.

I have been particulary struggling with unlearning the training policies I've adhered to for almost 2 years. I thought Transcom's training process was not good but when I transferred to a new company, I realized that what we had then was great. Of course, that's in reference to what we have now.

So what do I exactly do? I'm an HR Services Agent. It's very similar to the usual call center work but our job function is Human Resources. That being said, we handle Data Administration, Payroll and Benefits for one of the call centers in the US. It's safe to say that we're the HR officers for the company. We're first point of contact if employees have issues pertaining to their employment status, benefits, and paychecks.

Not bad, eh?

Hmm, yeah. Not bad at all. :)